


A Date To Die For

by demonipsimus



Category: Bayonetta (Video Games), Devil May Cry
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 11:51:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10786218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonipsimus/pseuds/demonipsimus
Summary: I wrote this a long time ago upon request. It's mental.





	A Date To Die For

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dez u nerd](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=dez+u+nerd).



The sound of a phone ringing pierced the otherwise silent atmosphere.

Dante, who had been sleeping with his feet up on the desk and a Playboy magazine over his face, woke with a start, almost falling off his chair in the process. He fumbled around the desk lazily, not bothering to open his eyes. His hand passed over empty pizza boxes and last night’s shot glass until at last he found the source of the noise which had unceremoniously interrupted his nap.

‘Devil May Cry...’ he grumbled.

There was a lot of static-sounding mess coming from the line, mixed with the unmistakable noise of gunfire. The connection was poor, and it was impossible to make sense of what was going on. With a sigh, Dante went to hang up the call, but just as he was about to put the phone down, he heard the strongly-accented voice he instantly recognised.

‘Yo, Dante! C’mon buddy, I know you can hear me!’

He put the phone back to its previous resting place on his shoulder.

‘Enzo.’

He fiddled idly with the phone cord as he waited for the broken reply. Just where was he? And who was firing so many bullets? Trust Enzo to be in the heart of trouble, as usual. Although it always came at a price, the curious man was a reliable source of information, despite needing saving from a scrape a little too often for Dante’s liking. Still, he was valuable, and worth the effort to keep out of any danger.

That being said, the man was was a magnet for it.

‘Talk to me. What hell have you gotten into this time?’

‘Nothin’, I swear on my life, I do! Well, kinda… but I’m fine-’ His sentence was cut short by what sounded like an explosion, followed by his trademark line of expletives. 

‘Yeah, you sound fine.’

‘No, ya gotta believe me… you HAVE to come see this bitch! She’s mental, I tell ya!’ He seemed to address someone near to him. ‘N-no, I said witch, I-I promise! Just get rid a’ these- shit!’ More crashing ensued. Dante pressed a hand to his forehead, though his interest was piqued by this supposed b… er, witch.

‘Alright so… where exactly are you?’

‘Actually, the way this is going, we’ll be right outside your place any moment!’

‘Is this your way of setting me up on a blind date?’

‘Heh, ya could say.’ The hang-up tone bleeped in Dante’s ear. 

Now he was definitely intrigued. He stretched, and got up to go admire himself in the reflective surface of his dukebox. He ran a hand through his white hair, and pulled his suavest face, although his image was distorted in the curved metal. Gotta look good for new company, he thought to himself. He couldn’t follow that line of thought for very long, however, as a loud crash from outside caught his attention, as dust sprinkled from the old ceiling.

Enzo had arrived.

Upon swinging open the door, he was greeted by the grateful face of the rather small and equally round man. 

‘Thank God, you can get me away from this shit!’ he snivelled.

The same sounds of fighting filled the air, albeit loud and clear now. Despite this, Dante couldn’t actually see anything that was going on. He scanned the scene for the source of action, but the alley seemed otherwise ordinary. Confused, he looked down to speak to Enzo.

‘Where is…?’

Unsurprisingly, he had already slipped behind him and scurried inside to safety. With another sigh, Dante drew his trusty sword, Rebellion. 

‘You know I hate it when you guys don’t play fair,’ he chuckled, ‘Can’t I see your face?’

Somebody or something must have heard him, because a purple ring of enchantments formed above him. Old magic, practically obsolete, even. Still, he knew what he had to. Bracing himself for an attack, Dante leapt through the circle…

...and found himself face to face with a Beloved.

The colossal angel was as shocked by his sudden appearance as he was with its. After all, they had previously been invisible to each other. With a roar that seemed out of place coming from its grotesquely childlike face, it swung its heavy, golden axe at him. Reflexes kicking into gear, he brought his blade in front of his face in mid air to block the attack.

Yet, the blow never reached him. He landed on the ground, looking up at the beast. It’s expression was still the same, and it was poised mid-attack. The Beloved seemed to have been frozen in time.

‘Son of Sparda, I presume?’ a woman’s voice sounded behind him.

‘The hell?’ he thought to himself.

Dante turned to face the speaker, and was immediately greeted with a sight that had made being disturbed from his sleep completely worth it. Dante had never come face to face with an Umbra Witch before; he only knew about them from one of the rare occasions he had elected to read something other than Playboy magazine. They were supposed to have been wiped out centuries ago, if his memory was serving him correctly. Then again, that phrase was rarely true with ancient demons, so why should it be any different for witches?

‘Yep, you’re looking at him.’ He shrugged his shoulders, running his eyes over the woman’s curved frame. Taking notice of this, she raised an eyebrow in an inviting manner.

‘Do you have a name then?’

‘Dante. And you are?’

‘They call me Bayonetta. Well, Dante, you might want to get out of the way.’

‘Huh?’

He responded just quickly enough to avoid being sliced clean in two by the axe that came crashing down. It roared once more and two groups of smaller Braves materialised before it. They raised their weapons, looking to pick a fight.

‘Well, angels aren’t my usual thing, but I’m game,’ Dante said with confidence, posing for a counterattack.

‘I do like a man who’s up for anything.’

The pair of them launched into battle against the Braves simultaneously, each taking on a bunch of three. They both fought differently, but they made it look like an art form. He was heavy hitting, and skilled with both sword and guns, letting him make relatively short work of the first couple of enemies. She, while still hitting hard, moved at a faster pace, slaying the creatures with an air of gracefulness. Dante was impressed that she was able to fight with four guns at once, and even more impressed as part of her tight outfit stripped away and a demonic fist appeared to knock out her foes. In fact, he was beginning to get a little distracted by it all…

Suddenly, he felt himself flip over, his head banging against the ground with a painful jolt. He saw his sword coming down towards him, but he had already resigned to his ironic fate. The sword plunged through his ribcage, pinning him down.

The Brave turned away, laughing monstrously, but was swiftly put down by a bullet-propelled kick to the face. Bayonetta, having finished off all of the smaller grunts, froze time once more, and sauntered over to where he lay.

‘Oh, bugger,’ she sighed to herself, ‘And here I was hoping for some real fun.’

‘I knew it would come to this at some point,’ Dante laughed to himself. ‘It usually does.’

‘Of course.’ She smiled sarcastically. ‘That’s what you get for being so easily distracted, my dear.’

He seemed surprised. ‘You… noticed that?’

‘Naturally. As long as you look, but don’t touch.’ She winked, then stared up at the immobilised Beloved. ‘Shall we finish this then, Dante?’

Pulling the sword out of his chest with a groan, he got to his feet. 

‘Hell yeah.’

The scene lurched into action once more.

This time they were both focusing on a single enemy. They launched themselves at it from opposite sides, causing it to swing its arms about angrily. The angel was not that intelligent, it seemed. Dante saw an opening, and slashed at it with a shout. There was no time to counter; the Beloved’s arm came clean off, disintegrating into the air as it roared in fury.

‘Impressive,’ the witch called out to him. The damage had revealed a hidden weak spot, which she wasted no time in punching with another summoned fist. The colossal beast staggered forwards for a few steps, before crashing down to the ground, unable to fight any more. The duo landed just in front of its head, and Bayonetta leaned down to caress its face, which was reminiscent of a cherub’s.

‘Oh, it seems we’ve run out of time for pillow talk,’ she purred, ‘but no matter. I’ll put you to sleep.’ Then she locked eyes with Dante. ‘Let’s finish this.’

‘It’s time to tango, Bayonetta.’

‘Alright then, but do try to keep your eyes up this time.’

She shouted a spell in an ancient tongue, and her battle uniform disappeared once more (this time in its entirety). Her long, black hair served as a medium for summoning demons, and this one was truly monstrous. It’s dragon-like form emerged from a portal that could only have come from Inferno, and it took the Beloved in its huge jaws before smashing it against the ground. It bit down as its prey struggled in vain, and dragged them both back down into the snatching claws of the portal, sealing as they disappeared with mingled roars. The angel would not be returning, even in the unlikely event that it had survived the descent into hell.

Bayonetta motioned for Dante to come closer, and he was only happy to oblige. They exchanged flirtatious glances, and he tried his luck at placing a hand on her exposed waist. Fortunately for him, she didn’t object to this. He chuckled to himself, figuring he was going to get his tango after all.

Her clothes reformed just as he dipped her.

‘Jackpot.’


End file.
